I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
