I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
