You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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