Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
