Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
