I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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