the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
