And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
