Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we're making bets on your personal life
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
