does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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