Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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