On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
