I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
