she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
