I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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