blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
