I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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