Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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