I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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