You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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