The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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