I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
