Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
