see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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