Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
