I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
