He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
