apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
