You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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