I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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