Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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