He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
