remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
