Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
