I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
