Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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