Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
