how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i believe in u and ur pee
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
