I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
