I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
