I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
