The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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