ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
