What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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