Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
