I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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