Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
