I wish I could punch you in the face.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
