All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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