my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've blown a few things in my day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
